Photo by Zackary Drucker for The Gender Spectrum Collection — Photo by Zackary Drucker for *The Gender Spectrum Collection*

The following post is from our Recovery-Centered Clinical System (RCCS) Tidbit of the Month series. Each month, the RCCS Steering Committee creates practices to support our recovery culture within our programs and among staff. Click here to learn more about the RCCS.

Listening When Times are Tough

Listening With Curiosity — A Foundation of the RCCS Program Culture

Listening is one of the most powerful tools in recovery. At Telecare and in the RCCS, we say we should all strive to listen with curiosity and a desire to understand. While not easy to do, this deeper level of listening builds stronger, more meaningful connections and relationships.

Active listening involves body language, eye contact, asking open-ended questions, and reflecting what we hear. Listening with compassion involves letting someone empty their heart to help relieve their suffering (a concept Thich Nhat Hanh elaborates on in conversation with Oprah here.). Both are skills that require practice—often when someone we really care about is experiencing trouble or difficulty, we want to “fix the problem” by finding solutions or by trying to cheer them up. Sometimes, we choose to stay away because we’re not sure what to do or say.

Instead of offering solutions, try offering attention. If you’re having trouble with what to say, try saying: “This must be really hard for you—but know you are not alone.”

In this month’s RCCS Tidbit, we share ideas on how to listen with curiosity. Read the practice below for more information.

Practice:

Below are suggestions on how to listen with curiosity. Partner up with someone and share one time when you practiced one of these suggestions with someone, or share how someone’s listening supported you through a difficult time.

Suggestions for Listening with Curiosity:

Start the conversation — even if you don’t know the details.
You might not know exactly what your friend, loved one, or coworker is going through, but you do know they’re hurting. Checking in with them can help, even if you don’t have the full story. Ask, “How are you doing?”; “How are you holding up without your mom?”; “How are you coping with Sam being in the hospital?
Just starting a conversation signals to your friend that they have a safe space to share their feelings, whatever they may be.
Acknowledge their emotions without trying to fix things.
If a friend or loved one shares their problems, make space for them to vent without judgment. Let them do the talking. Listen, ask questions, and acknowledge what they’re saying. Don’t feel the need to offer solutions. Sometimes, they may not want to say anything at all. That’s okay. Your presence—just sitting there quietly together—can be enough to make them feel loved and understood.
Leave the door open.
As your conversation winds down, remind them that you’re always available to listen. Make a commitment to be there for them. Follow up—send a text, drop a card in the mail—and make some plans together.